Monday

in the seven hills
where they're gonna burry me
lives a sound like no other
and I hold it preciously

cicadas in the wind
strike a harmony
I travel with the chorus
and they sing with me

the bottle popped
and out came a poem
the bottle popped
and it rained like a storm

kiss me like yesterday
and kill the dream
funneling through split hair
I can tell you're kinda keen

jump like angry bull
struttin' stuff all
in the air
you filled and full
don't comb your hair

I'm stuck on your picture
floating like dreams
pour a pitcher
and forget everything

we know we don't
laugh about, cry about
things we know we don't
hide out loud
in plain sight
but still

she kills confident
I won't question
the better her shoes
tiny and bedlam
climb into trees
and on my knees
pour my drink
on my sleeve
on my sleeve

she cried
"you're too..."
she cried
"I am too"
awful

and no loneliness compares
to the way my head feels
like an orange; peeled
and still something
stings like citrus
subtle but I notice
did I get the notice?
you are here, now,
and nothing lingers
but one thing remains
and still something
stings like citrus
subtle, but I notice
I notice
are you hiding out?
home and away
far, yet today
I noticed something
in our mouths
and it stings
like citrus

and if there's possibility
I'm too tired
reckless and ruined
emotionally and construed
as a psycho-nonsense
dribbling maniac

cut the slacks?
off my broken back
or are they broken
I think they're broken
and I'm the only sane one
am I?

cutting-edge cutie
on the brink of clarity
clarify for me
and keep clearing
you'll be clear
heart and mind
drained

can you keep yourself
clean and humble?
or are you numbing
our souls?
when the thunder rolls
do you speak softly
and carry bullshit?

I spen the night
at my own place
wasn't my own pace
forgetting space
I always forget the real
it's out there
and I don't care
so get out

you shit loose words
like they have meaning
with this comes no meaning
with this comes no appeal
shut your mouth
I don't understand
news prints on space
and you make quiet demands
I'm losing the battle
and winning at the same
so still stop
stirring the past
'cause it's here
now and it hurts
how? you should know
you dreamt it
it's here and it hurts

i am forced
to leave town
embarrassed and naked
i frown
i'm not alone anymore
time for a new
a new
anew

the clocks are always telling
screaming on the hour
yellow-old and always yelling
a twitch rides the hour hand

my eye twitch with no tomorrow
dry and itch, dry and itch
rendered invisible sorrow
rendered still life
portraits painted on faces
glaring
telling time

the second-hand cries in silence
rejoice when the bells toll
suffer otherwise
and I cry in silence
but still suffer otherwise
dry and itch
dry and itch

california dreams
are too easily cleaned
from plates too small
to eat
on and on
california dreams
rip hearts
at least it seems
mine was ripped
and my plate was cleaned
dishwaters dirty
and you were so mean
well, not that mean
i understand
but you shattered
california dreams
in california,
i dreamed and dreamed
and you; thin and lean
wrecked my head
wrecked my bed
and wrecked my california dreams

what's up?

your imprint won't come out of the couch
and my memory is becoming dull
the golden olides drone
and I think I'm finally coming home

noise
and I want to have her home

goodbye all you cats
in your night-time suits
we had our chit-chats
and i wasn't amused

goodbye my dear dreams
you were brilliant and fake
we made our grand schemes
but i wasn't awake

goodbye gorgeous girls
with your lips so red
you became my world
then frittered and fled

goodbye sorry sundays
the days to unwind
you postponed my mondays
and wasted my time

goodbye summer skies
all flush and blue
a part of me dies
when i remember you

goodbye high noon heat
you've burnt me before
feet on hot concrete
i can't walk anymore

you pretend friendship
you're wasting your time
vacate the premises
it's time to unwind

you claim caring
but me you deny
clothes you're wearing
cover fake smiles

you're not fooling anyone
and not me this time
you seem to jump the gun
and i pretend i'm fine

you jump in and out
of togetherness
you cry and pout
hoping forgetfulness

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your chains
gently hug
your feet
but you tug
like they cling
too tight to be free
rusty chains
they don't hold you
yet you deny
your mind's machine
grinding

we were spoon-fed the wind
slowly and softly
windows down
and you were
singing softly
and my ears
still shed tears of sweat
though the dark cooled the heat
we were still wet
you looked so sweet
in the passenger seat
the sky was in flames
your face was inflamed
colors i can't explain
smoke spilled from our lips
silent words were spoken
bumps shook your hips
like your legs had been broken

you're knife to my wound
in an unkind spoon
you fed lies
free for the taking
but your force fed
all of yours
while your heart was breaking
one was red
and i read
and cried and cringed
and cracked
and bled
but acquiesced
to your vague stories

i heard
you sleep on your stomach
because
your back is too bent

i heard
your pants are perpetually
on, because
your legs are too short

i heard
you pretzel your legs
like that, because
your posture is dead

i heard
you smoke so much
mainly, because
it helps you eat not so much

i heard
you pour paint on your eyes
because
it's their circle's disguise

i heard
you drown in your drinks
so much, because
it helps not to think

i heard
you change your hair's hue
and stain it, because
red isn't for you

i heard
you don't have a home
because
distraction is delight

i heard
all this from you
but
i would never change you

a cold sanctuary
where my mind meanders
about the statues
each one; retelling
in cold stares and poses
their greatest truths
now greater
the leaves are sleeping
but twitch and stir
in their dreams
and the wind
tries to keep me out
but i stand my ground
for now
but then collapse
and all that's left
is a warm view
of your feet
in white tennis-shoes
i relapse
and come crawling back to you
i collapse
and come crawling back to you

So I think I'm learning about myself.

I started feeling sick very often, right around the time I had to start getting ready to move. At first I thought I was just sick from food, drinking, whatever. But then I started to see a pattern. Just BEING around certain people, and talking to certain people would instantly induce nausea. I started doing a TON of research, and I'm pretty sure all this nausea is from stress. Moving is supposed to be one of the most stressful times in a person's life. Moving out for the first time, that is. That, along with other things causing stress, just seems to be too much of a coincidence to me.

Turning off my cell phone, cutting myself off from people, drinking, and sleeping make the nausea go away. I feel best around 4 in the morning, when I feel alone and not bothered by anything. Watching movies helps too, I've been watching a lot of movies.

So, maybe it's time to go back on my medication. It helped me a great deal. It DID cause writer's block, but right now in my life I think I need it. At least right now.

Ahhhhh.

it's my soul
and it will always stay
inside of me
awake and asleep
confidence
drowning me
your shades
are drowning me
you act angry
but you're sad
like it's a fucking fad
so shut the fuck up
and grow the fuck up
this isn't dream-land
and we aren't in dream-land

my soul
it's my soul
i'm getting too old
but i experience
more than you can know
so i grow old
compared to you
you're stuck
you're still stuck
on the one human
on that one human
he's not human
not to you

do you toy with people?
like you toyed with me?
or do you hide from people
like you hide your misery

do you shatter faces?
like you shattered mine?
or do you switch places
to keep them off your mind

'cause when I slept last night
I was lying, I was up
reality crossed my path
and stirred some questions up

do you strangle hope?
like you strangled mine?
or am I just a dope
who wasn't worth your time

do you toy with people?
like you toyed with me?
or do you hide from people
hide your misery

'cause when I slept last night
I was lying, I was up
reality crossed my path
and stirred some questions up